


The Eureka Of A Tortured Artist

by Honey_this_mirror



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual, Child Abuse, F/F, Frerard, Gay, Jamia and Lindsey are very lesbian, Joshler is mentioned vaguely, Lesbian, M/M, Ryden is mentioned, petekey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_this_mirror/pseuds/Honey_this_mirror
Summary: Sixteen-year-old guitarist Frank Iero thinks he's fearless. A dare devil, a risk taker. He doesn't let anything get to him and can take on the world- or at least he doesn't let anyone see otherwise. His life changes forever when a new kid moves to New Jersey- a quirky nineteen-year-old named Gerard Way who just can't pass any class in eleventh grade for his life aside from art. Long sessions of questioning and self-doubt seem to be closing as the two get acquainted, but issues with family and himself open up and it serves as a threat to his "fearlessness."





	1. Chapter 1: The third beginning for Gerard Way

Sept. 5 2005

The eleventh first day of school is, to say the least, mundane.

Especially when it’s the third time in the eleventh first day of school in a new town- no, a new city. A big, scary, merciless city, after coming from a small town. Because of this, I may have a reason for it not to be mundane, but clearly I don’t really because I’m not even at school and I’m already bored as fuck. Not to mention the fact that I’m so stupid that I can’t pass any class except for art and have been in grade eleven for 3 years. You’d think the state or the schools wouldn’t allow it, but nope! They just wanna torture me by telling me that I’m a fuck up every year.

At least it’s not like it was at my old school in the small town, because nobody at this school really has to know that this is my third time being in grade eleven. Nobody has to know that I’m nineteen. The thing in the small town was that in small towns, things get around like a bullet. So as soon as I failed the first time, everyone knew within a week. And then that’s been used against me ever since.

I guess there’s no grandiose reason to be complaining, since a lot of nineteen-year-olds say they wish they were in high school and because nobody has to know I’ve failed so many times. Mikey said it could be a good start for me. Like a second chance to actually do something with my life while I’m not being tormented every day for not being academically inclined. It made me feel stupid hearing that from my little brother because I’m the one who’s supposed to be raising him. This boy needs some serious protecting, because as soon as he said that, I realized he’s growing up a little too fast.

Gotta go. Mom’s screaming at me from downstairs and I’m not even ready yet.

Gerard basically slammed his diary (which he preferred to call a journal) shut and threw it into his backpack, also knocking his flip phone in but by accident. He was startled a little by the unexpected commotion and uncanny order, but decided to ignore it because he had to basically fly across the hallway and dodge unpacked boxes and into the washroom. He brushed his teeth rather vigorously as his mother kept hollering naggingly from the kitchen.

“Jesus Christ, I’m coming!” Gerard hollered back after he spat out the sudzy toothpaste into the sink. He’d brushed so hard that there was blood in it and he was slightly grossed out, but it was not the time to think. He just had to go.

He splashed water on his face and lathered too many pumps of soap in his hands. He didn’t even care that it wasn’t specifically for your face. He cursed under his breath when his hands were overflowing with soap and he swiftly and messily wiped it off on the inside of the sink. After rinsing it off, he took a look at himself in the mirror.

“Loser.” He said to himself before smirking and scoffing a little at his own sad self esteem.

Before leaving the front door and as he was receiving multiple scolds from his control freak of a mother, he made sure his art book was in his bag. He caught a short glance at it before him and Mikey were shoved out of the house. If he had forgotten it, the first day would have been hell, because art was the only class he had the ability to enjoy and succeed in.

“God, does she have to keep yelling when we’re right there?” Mikey grumbled, massaging the back of his ear a little as they began walking.

Gerard shrugged and rolled his eyes as he took out the directions to the school. “Yes, as her duty of an ignorant bitch, she does. I can’t believe we share the same blood sometimes.”

Mikey concurred, nodding. “I wonder how long it’ll be until she starts trying to get us associated with the nearest church.”

Gerard let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t wonder. Just savour the time before it happens. Before they start basically shoving crosses up our asses.”

Mikey sniggered. “Okay Gerard, as if that’s going to actually happen.”

Gerard shot an unimpressed look at Mikey who found his exaggeration way too funny, but he didn’t see Mikey laugh or smile too often so he decided to use his wit to its fullest. “Yeah, it ain’t gonna happen only because I’d probably start cumming, since, ya know, it’s in the ass, and be all like ‘fuck me daddy’ to a fucking pastor.” 

Mikey continued laughing and Gerard smiled, happy that he was able to make his little brother laugh and put him in good spirits after being screamed at by their mom and for the first day of school.

“Getting fucked in the ass with a cross is probably the biggest shitstorm of spite and irony that the world could ever encounter.” Mikey pointed out after his laughter had died down.

“Yep.” Gerard agreed. As they turned the corner, the sight of their new school was before them. “Well, here goes nothing. We’ve got the same class first period, but not third, so I'll meet you somewhere at lunch hour..”

Before going back to his usual serious self, Mikey smiled as he followed Gerard. He may have felt alone a lot of the time, but Gerard made him feel a lot less like the world was a big scary place.

__

 

In the back of the school, a solitary boy leaned up against the cold brick wall as he lit a cigarette. His hand was cupped around the tiny flame to keep it from going out with the first breezes that said that autumn was just around the corner. Feeling the cool breeze brought a sense of contentment upon him. He brushed his black hair out of his face and behind his ear before putting the cig to his lips and taking a long hit. 

His name was Frank Iero and as much as he hated school, he was glad the summer was over. Summer was spent not sleeping at night but sleeping too much in the day and then smoking or fooling around on guitar in his messy room with the same Smashing Pumpkins album playing over and over again. Sometimes his dad would bang on his door asking why we was at home and he would have nothing to say but something like “I live here, asshole” or some other insult he could come up with at the end before getting temporarily kicked out.

That wasn’t all of it though. While he wasted the days in his room and while he was temporarily kicked out, he always knew that it wouldn’t be long until he was permanently kicked out if what he was thinking was true. His friends were getting girlfriends and he wanted one only because of the pressure. But then he thought about the whole prospect of having a girlfriend. A female to look after and take care of and love, and to fuck if that’s what they both want. 

And as soon as the thought of fucking a girl came into his head, he felt uncomfortable.

Long story short, he first wondered if his dick was broken or something. Then he considered guys as much as he really didn’t want to go there, and just imagined a scenario where he had a boyfriend. At the end of the summer, he came to no definite conclusion of whether he way gay or bisexual or something. He never liked typically “girly” things, he was very much a guy, which was a contradiction to the idea of being gay. But he did get seriously hard when thinking about giving or getting a blowjob- from a guy- and that was a contradiction to the idea of being straight.

The first bell rang before he could finish his cigarette and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with snarky teachers, so he figured he’d better get his ass to room 212. English class. He threw his book bag over his shoulder wishing it was a guitar strap with a guitar instead, since that was the only virtually decent part of his summer.

It’s over now. It’s fine. 

His shoes dragged on the floor as he made his way to class. He met up with Ray, Bob, and Pete right outside the door.

“Hey man, what’s up? Didn’t hear much from you over the summer.” Ray greeted him, actually seeming genuinely happy to see him.

Frank looked to his side. “Yeah, stuff happened.” That was kind of a lie. Not much actually took place in the real world, but a fuck of a lot happened in Frank world, AKA his brain. “What class you got?”

“Geography. But Pete’s got English too. He also wants to tell you something.” Ray eyed the raccoon-eyed (it’s the eyeliner, man) boy next to him as he stepped up next to Frank.

Pete smiled somewhat sheepishly and nervously at Frank. “I-it’s not bad. I think. At least I, I mean like-I’m pretty sure. I like- I hope” He stammered, fumbling on his words.

Bob intervened. “It’s not bad, Pete. There’s nothing bad about it at all. I don’t think Frank’s gonna care all that much.” He put a hand on Pete’s shoulder reassuringly.

Pete’s smile became a little less nervous so Ray chimed in. “Yeah. Just don’t go around telling people, because not everyone’s as nice as us.”

Frank looked between the three of his friends, actually wanting to get into the classroom with Pete so that he could hear what he had to tell him.

Pete took a deep breath in, preparing himself. “Okay. Thanks guys.” 

Ray and Bob left for their class and Frank and Pete walked into English. The class was about half full and they both took at seat at the back, right behind where Gerard and Mikey were seated. Gerard thought of it as a disadvantage on his own behalf for the teachers to put them in a class together because he didn’t want his brother to see him struggling with something that seemed simple. Pete took notice to Mikey and his heart fluttered a little at the sight of him- he was gorgeous. That was just what made him remember that he had to tell Frank.

“I guess I’ll tell you now.” Pete’s heart went from a flutter to a somewhat uneasy beat. He knew Frank was really chill about almost everything, but he was still nervous. “I have to write it down though, and then you have to like, burn the paper.”

“Okay. That’s fine.” He replied, checking his pocket to make sure his lighter was still there. He could burn it at lunch hour.

Pete ripped a small piece of paper off of the corner of his notebook and scribbled his message as fast as he could so that he wouldn’t stop mid-writing and regret it or back down. No regrets. No backing down. He thought to himself as he folded the paper neatly so no letter could be seen and passed it to Frank.

Frank opened it up and read two words: “im bisexual”, it read, with no capital letters or punctuation. They’d been going to school together since elementary and Pete had never liked using capitals or punctuation. Frank wasn’t surprised, if he was being honest, although he was glad that he may not be the only one. Pete’s always been a really flexible person (except for when it came to using capital letters and punctuation), and he’s shown signs of interest in both girls and guys, often more guys.

“Alright. Good to know.” Frank smiled and put the paper in his pocket.

Pete shot a confused look. “Wha...that’s all? Do you like, know what it means?” Pete was a bit of a fast talker naturally, and right now there was a sense of franticness in his voice.

Frank nodded. “Yeah, I do.” He looked directly at Pete. “Pete, it really doesn’t matter to me. What you like is what you like. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. And if someone thinks so, they can fight Ray, Bob, and me.”

Pete grinned widely. “Thanks, Frank. For accepting me.”

“Of course. You’re my friend, Pete.” He said profoundly, grinning back.

Frank may not have been shocked, but he did think that the timing was interesting. He didn’t think it meant anything, but he found it funny how on the first day of school after questioning himself his friend says that he goes both ways. The thing was though, he was confused as to why he kept suppressing himself while he wasn’t even phased by Pete’s fess up.

There were a few openly gay kids in the school. The most popular ones were Lindsey Ballato and Jamia Nestor. They were seen as gross by most girls and by some guys, but most guys just thought “oh my god, lesbians, hot” and probably jerked off the the thought of them two eating each other out. But even with their haters, they were loud and proud about it. They could be even at home, because each of their two parents were supporting, even when Lindsey’s mom was Christian. 

Then there were the less fortunate ones: Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross. There were only a small handful of people who weren’t extremely hateful towards them both. Ever since an accident in the cafeteria in which one of the jocks spilled milk all over Ryan’s face while people filmed it and took pictures, things got really bad for them two, even if Lindsey did have someone to punch in the face afterwards, that person being the guy that started the whole thing.

Gerard didn’t know about any of this yet or of what would definitely be ahead of him because you can pin down this much when you first meet Gerard: he is most definitely not straight. Frank, on the other hand, knew of all of this and that was part of the reason why he didn’t want to accept what was obvious. 

“We have two new students with us today. Boys, you know who you are, why don’t you introduce yourselves?” The English teacher, Mr. Armstrong eyed Gerard and Mikey.

The brothers shot each other a look of silent fuck-my-life. Introductions sucked. Gerard sensed Mikey’s growing anxiety, so he decided he’d go first.

“Hi, I’m Gerard. I’m from Phoenicia, and, uh…” He eyed Mikey, cueing him.

“I’m Mikey. Gerard and I are brothers. Gerard is...” Mikey said without thinking too much about it, because Gerard’s stomach sank because siblings usually weren’t in the same grade- unless…

Unless they were twins!

Mikey realized what he was about to say and gave Gerard an apologetic look as he stumbled on his words. “Gerard and I- I mean, he’s, uh...” Mikey felt like he was about to cry, because everyone in the class was now looking at him as he struggled.

Gerard was proud of himself for thinking of that so fast and swooped to his brother’s rescue. “We’re twins. Unidentical.”

Mr. Armstrong nodded. “Well, welcome to my class. It’s gonna be boring, I know, but I have to teach you stuff.” A couple people in the class chuckled dryly- as much as a class of dead inside teenagers could.

As much as Gerard knew that English was gonna be difficult as nearly everything academic was for him, his teacher didn’t seem painfully boring like your typical adult. It relieved him a little. Frank was also relieved that he got the one decent teacher in the school and he actually didn’t feel like slacking off on purpose.

And with everything that would go down in this school, they both needed all the relief they could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We all need to fight for something or someone, you know what I mean?" Frank diverted his attention back on the gravelly road, as much as he wanted to look at Gerard again because he was just so damn beautiful.
> 
> Gerard thought for a moment about what Frank had just said, even though he understood it completely. "Yeah, I do."
> 
> \---
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Keep reading for more cool gay shit.


	2. Chapter 2: Eureka, I'm about to fucking cry

“No way. There is no fucking way you bastards are getting me to talk to him.”

“Isn’t “Way” his last name?”

“Aw, c’mon Pete. You’re fresh out of the closet. You think he’s cute. His brother looks really gay so he probably won’t have a problem with it. It’ll be fine!” Ray enlivened. He was such a mom friend, always taking care of everyone, giving fucking bomb advice.

“Ugh!” Pete let out a noise of frustration that screamed “horny teenager” as he threw his face into his hands.

The three boys sighed and exchanged looks. Frank put a hand on Pete’s shoulder, somewhat reassuringly. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll come with you and we can both act like we’re extremely interested in him, so if we end up looking stupid as fuck, we end up looking stupid as fuck together.”

Pete lifted his head. “Really? Seriously?” 

“Really. Seriously. Now let’s go before the fuckers go somewhere else!” Frank lifted Pete by the arm, paying no shit to Pete’s resistance and cling to the floor.

“You only live once, Wentz! Make the best of it and talk to cute guys.” Frank encouraged him, and then realized how gay that sounded. Fuck, he thought. It’s not like it would matter much to them if he was, but it would probably matter to him.

On the other side of the cafeteria, Mikey was staring down a fly on the table as he crunched on an apple. Gerard watched Mikey expertly take every bite, taking in the sight of a wild Mikey in his natural habitat eating an apple. Truly breathtaking, truly majestic.

“Dude, I’m so fucking bored that I’m making you eating that apple sound like Meerkat Manor.” Gerard sighed.

Mikey looked up from the fly that was now rubbing its hands together like it was plotting something. “Enlighten me.”

Gerard paused do he could capture the full effect. “The elegant, gracious, majestic Mikey goes for another bite of the apple as he contemplates the good of the unicorn tribe. This is a sight that can only be seen at a particular time of day, something that the tribe leader calls “lunch hour”- a time to nourish the soul, and a time to plan out the tribe’s next escape from the Draculoids.” He framed an image more than what was even going on, and that brought Mikey to a slow clap.

“Amazing. What’s a Draculoid though?”

Gerard shrugged. “I dunno yet, really. I just drew a vampire thing in my sketchbook, made it a bad guy, and called it a Draculoid.”

“Gee, that’s actually a really great idea. It sounds fucking cool and I barely know what it is. You should patent it and become some great comic book writer.” Mikey was surprisingly interested and impressed with Gerard’s next concept.

Their boredom and Draculoid discussion was broken by Frank and Pete. Pete, who was scared shitless, awkwardly smiled and waved. Frank, on the other hand, had more experience with this and was confident in suaveness.

(Yes, I did just say that. Now, I hate these little notes in the middle of stories, they’re annoying and often cringey, so keep reading.)

“Hey, guys.” Frank started. “So this is Pete, and I’m Frank.” He gave Pete a chance to say hi, and all that came out of Pete was a really weak “sup”.

“We’re in your English class and we just thought we’d say hi and welcome to the school.” Okay, Frank may have been a punk-rock-introspective-little-stoner-bitch sometimes, but he wasn’t bad at charming people in both romantic ways and platonic ways.

Gerard was the first out of him and Mikey to greet them. He smiled, relieved by the unexpected welcome. “Hey. Thanks for actually like, saying hi and stuff. Was definitely not expecting that.” He made eye contact with Frank, then with Pete who was gazing all starry-eyed at Mikey, then with Mikey, hoping he could communicate telepathically with him in this moment.

Mikey, however, was too distracted by Pete to pick up on the signals this time. Yes, this time. It had worked the other times. Yes, there were other times. Yes, the Way brothers could communicate telepathically. Sometimes. Gerard wasn’t overly concerned about Mikey noticing Pete because he seemed to be in a bit of his own trance, so he decided he might have a little fun with this encounter.

He brought his chair out a little and crossed his legs. He actually never thought he’d have the opportunity to tease his little brother about boys, but when they got off of lunch hour was gonna be his first time, even if Mikey wasn’t really interested in Pete, Pete seemed to be interested in him. On Frank’s end, he didn’t play a huge social part in this encounter. He served as moral support for Pete and took a seat in between Pete and Gerard. He was like a wingman, sort of.

Frank was a little shook by the fact that Gerard had crossed his legs because fuck, it was sort of like a form of teasing. He didn’t even know Gerard, but the fact that his body language right now was presenting him as flirty but not easy to access made Frank interested. It was like “honey, I’m hot as fuck and I know it but you’re gonna have to wait before you get to me”. He tried drawing his attention away from the beautiful man who he was now facing, but Gerard wasn’t gonna let that happen. 

“So you’re Frank. People call you Frankie?” Gerard looked intently at Frank, his head ever so slightly tilted and his eyes locked on the younger boy.

“Uh, not really, you can though. I don’t mind nicknames. People call you Gee?” Frank decided he’d play along with whatever this was, keeping the topic fairly closed.

Gerard smiled and looked down, chuckling a little. “Yeah, my brother does. He couldn’t say my name properly when we were little and it kinda stuck.” He shook his head, still smiling, remembering how much it used to annoy him.

“Awh, that’s cute.” Frank looked between the two brothers, quickly inspecting for a likeness because they looked pretty different even if they were unidentical twins, but then he saw it- it was the eyes, and a bit of the lips. “When did you guys move here?” He asked to open up the conversation again. From here on in, he was glancing at Gerard’s lips ever so often. Fuck, it was distracting and fuck, his lips were nice.

He didn’t like this small talk, because Gerard gave off somewhat of a classy vibe (he concluded it was the crossed legs and the genuine interest) and it was like you could talk to him for a long time about random things like illegal mushroom hunting or the way you got a headache before it rained sometimes.

“A little under three weeks ago. It’s kind of weird became we came from a pretty small town where everyone’s super close up-in-your-business and judgy, but here, nobody really cares that much from what I know. It’s kind of scary to be honest, but I like the typical non-judgemental-ness. Less people seem to be dicks.” Gerard explained, still deciding if he actually liked the place or not, but glad that Frank still seemed engaged in the conversation.

Frank pursed his lips together, his head tilted slightly. “Well, I mean, nobody usually cares much unless you’re gay or something. We’ve got a few of them here, and the ones who get the most teasing are Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie after the milk incident. I dunno, I think it’s stupid to make fun of someone for that.”

“The milk incident?” Gerard asked curiously, his eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s better if you don’t know. Less embarrassment for them.”

“I see. But whatever it is I agree, that ain’t nice. In the small town that happened to this poor kid named Tyler Joseph and his boyfriend Josh, Dun I think it was? Yeah, they got caught making out in a treehouse and they couldn’t leave the house without being egged or something. Then as soon as they were both eighteen, they ran off to Canada to get married.” Gerard explained again, intriguing Frank even more because he probably had a bunch of other weird stories from that town.

“Well I mean, at least they got away. I hope Ryan and Brendon and Jamia and Lindsey can do that sometime.” Frank was actually really glad Gerard wasn’t a complete asshole like most people when it came to the gay. Yes, when it came to the gay. I don’t care about english much anymore, I have integrated nearly all senses of grammar and a proper manner of speaking into not my brain.

“Yeah, hopefully. And hopefully one day the majority of the population won’t be seriously bigoted.” Gerard put, but really it was hard to have much hope about that. It upset him quite a bit despite the fact that he had the courage to be himself and do what he’s able to to be fairly happy, but he was more concerned about other people who may not have that confidence. He well knew that often, a lot of denial came with queer sexuality, a lot of self-doubt, and sometimes mental health issues.

“Hopefully.” Frank agreed. Maybe it would come to a point in his lifetime where he wouldn’t even have to ask himself over and over again to make sure and to somehow make it not true. He’d just be able to know and it would be okay.

There was a silence that consisted on the two of them looking at the floor, at Pete and Mikey having the most awkward conversation like they were in middle school, and sometimes at each other but they both quickly looked away.

Gerard decided to break this awkward silence. “So how was your summer?”

Uhm, completely wasted, because if I knew I could take one look at you want you to blow me then I wouldn’t have contemplated over what was already true, Frank’s subconscious said. Or should it be his DOMconscience? He blinked, taking himself away from the denial swinging back and forth, knocking over his subconscious, and his humour. “Uh, it was okay. Yours?”

“All focused on the move. Didn’t get to do much, but I’m hoping I can spend my free time getting to know the area. It’s really different from Phoenicia, more angry drivers and shifty areas.” 

“Ha, yeah. I could like, show you around sometime, if you wanna hang around when you’re not being crushed by schoolwork.” Frank decided to just fuck it all. Who cares if he’s not gay? You only live once, he told himself, like he told Pete.

Gerard smiled, playing with a strand of his hair. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Frank smiled back. “I’m planning getting my official license as soon as I turn sixteen at the end of October. Don’t tell anyone but I’ve been taking lessons from a guy who knows a guy, even though I’m still 15. I gotta have a way out, know what I mean? In case everything just goes to shit and I gotta get away.”

“Makes sense. I got my license a few years back and sometimes I just drive out to a random area and stay there past dark.”

Frank shot a confused look. “A few years? Wouldn’t you have been like, thirteen?”

Gerard turned a little pink. “Oh, no, I mean, uh, a few months ago.” Phew. He was getting good at covering his tracks today. First the thing about Mikey and him being twins, now this.

“Ah, okay.” Frank nodded, understanding. “Just wondering, do you have a cellphone?”

“Yeah, right here. I was actually about to ask you for your number.” Gerard smirked at Frank’s red cheeks and borderline shocked facial expression.

He couldn’t believe it. Gerard asked for his number first. He smiled sheepishly and took his cellphone out of his pocket so they could swap numbers. “Y-yeah, totally, here’s my number.” He said, shook.

The two added each other as contacts. “So...I guess we’ll talk later? Lunch hour’s almost over.” Gerard stated, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“Yeah, Looking forward to it.” Frank winked in his head, because he figured he’d better keep it subtle.

When he and Pete got back to the table, Ray and Bob were all over them both, bombarding them with questions.

“I can’t believe I did that. He’s just so like...ugh, I don’t even know.” Pete expressed dreamily. “I feel like he actually might have been into me.” After sighing, he looked over at Frank. It was his turn to tease now. “So you hit it off pretty good, didn’t you?” He grinned stupidly at him, wiggling a little in his seat to face him.

Ray raised his eyebrows and almost smiled stupidly. “Oh, did you?”

Frank rouged and could barely keep himself composed and could barely find words for how how was feeling right now. “I got Gerard’s number.” He said quietly, before grinning like an idiot and practically slamming his face on the table, hiding his face from his friends.

And it was in this moment that Frank had a silent eureka.

“I’m gay.” He whispered so quietly that he could barely hear himself.

He was smiling so much, but he was actually about to cry, because it wasn’t going to be easy at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We all need to fight for something or someone, you know what I mean?" Frank diverted his attention back on the gravelly road, as much as he wanted to look at Gerard again because he was just so damn beautiful.
> 
> Gerard thought for a moment about what Frank had just said, even though he understood it completely. "Yeah, I do."
> 
> \---
> 
> Yo. Thank you so much for reading this chapter! Read the next one. Please. It's as cool as this one, I promise.


	3. Chapter 3: Doth protest too much, Frankie

After school had ended, Frank didn’t stick around the building or go out with his friends. He just wanted to get home so that he could expertly contemplate over what the fuck happened today in peace.

He flumped down on his unmade bed, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling like it would give him answers. It didn’t. Even the ceiling fan had nothing to say, it didn’t even spin anymore, it just hung there collecting dust and dead bugs. Not even the webs with all the bug legs caught in it had anything to say.

“Fuck you.” Frank said disappointedly to the inhabitants of his ceiling, then silently reflected on how pathetic it was that he was so confused that he asked a ceiling, a ceiling fan, and some dead bugs for relief of his confusion.

Everything seemed more confusing now that it wasn’t, because it was like everything he had previously thought about in attempts to clear it up did nothing and it was hard understanding that it was simple. His previous perception which he firmly held was that it was complicated, and he had to completely let go of everything he thought was true. All he had to do was determine if he was attracted to guys or girls and fess up to it. That sounds simple, right? It wasn’t. It completely tore him up inside.

He’d realized that his hope of being straight was stupid. He’d come to the conclusion that hope in general was stupid.

“Everything is stupid…” He muttered bitterly, sounding very much like a teenager.

He came to the conclusion that hope was stupid because it was only made to make people feel better. It made people feel like their situation wasn’t as shitty as it really was, or was going to be. It wasn’t actually going to change the situation. It was just going to make people feel like they could expect something good, then disappoint them and tear them down when reality barged into their heart and shot them from the inside.

In this moment, Frank decided he’d never get his hopes up ever again. He was never going to let himself think that things could be better than they were and trick himself into something that was only going to disappoint him later. He sat up, burying his face in his palms. Not gonna cry, he told himself. Saying this just turned his about-to-cry feeling into anger and frustration. His hands formed into a fist and shifted roughly through his drawer for a Sharpie, to mark yet another reminder on his wall.

The walls around Frank’s bed in his room were covered in countless words, all written in messy capital letters. What stood out the most was a huge “FUCK EVERYTHING” in the middle of all of it which he had written in one of those extremely thick markers with an insanely strong scent that was like chemicals. At the time, the chemical smell was even more accurate in showcasing Frank’s rage at the time. Another spot said “A TRUE FRIEND STABS YOU IN THE FRONT” and another read “FRANK IERO MUST DIE”. Sometimes he wrote stupid things, spiteful things, and sometimes, just plain dark.

In the black Sharpie he found, Frank scribbled in his new philosophy, his heart beating like bullets flying out out of a machine gun.

“HOPE IS STUPID

NO EXCEPTIONS”

He’d pressed so hard that the liquid in the marker was wet on the wall. It had made a small black smudge mark on one of his hands. He took a second and looked at the new addition, and looking at the walls in full showed him just how angry he got sometimes, and the fact that it was so cluttered with negativity that some words overlapped each other said something. Despite this, he had no regrets right now. He rested his head against the wall, facing it, in attempts to calm down. However, it didn’t work, and he just ended up slamming his fist into the bad paint job and pacing around the room.

It was easy for Frank to mistake actual real gut-wrenching sadness for frustration and anger, and then acting upon what he thought it was. He hated admitting he was sad. He never did. It made him feel weak for some reason. He hated crying, too, because it made him feel like he couldn’t control his emotions when really, how he acted when he was angry was what really showed signs of fleeting self-control. 

After pacing for a while, he collapsed back onto his bed and barely a second had passed when his cellphone rang. He groaned and checked who was calling, and took back that groan because it was Gerard. His heartbeat was going back to somewhat normal again and he tried composing himself before picking up.

“Hey.” He greeted, as normal sounding as possible right now. He was astonished by the fact that Gerard actually called him, and so soon.

“Hey Frankie. What’s up?” Gerard spoke like they were already friends, being the rather talkative person he was.

Frank’s lips curled slightly to what wanted to be a smile at the use of his new nickname, but he was still reeling from his episode of anger. He figured that for the sake of this conversation going well, he better just not show emotions at all. After all, he firmly believed they made him look weak. “Nothing really. Just…” Just. Just what? Just what was happening? Just what was he up to? “Just tired. You?”

Ah yes, tired. The most misused word by people who were stripped of colour and didn’t like existing as much as they should.

On the other line, Gerard was lying on Mikey’s bedroom floor as Mikey listened to their conversation expertly, because annoying his brother was going to be his number one priority after this phone call ended. 

“Oh, just plotting my future payback because Mikey is plotting something against me.” Gerard glanced over at Mikey with an innocent grin on his face, and Mikey sat there like Gerard just read his mind, jaw dropping a little. Well, Gerard had read his mind. I’m telling you- they have telepathy. “Siblings are weird.” Mikey now shot Gerard a bitch-face look, his eyes narrowed. “But great.” He added, just because he could be a big mush with Mikey if he wanted to.

“I guess I wouldn’t know, I’m an only child.” Despite Frank’s overly-dramatic teenager idea to purge all emotion in this moment, he couldn’t help but be at least a little conversational.

“So you are, eh? How’s it with the parents? I’ve always thought it would be a little awkward, but Mikey’s existed as long as I have so I wouldn’t know for sure.” Mikey let out a sort of laugh-scoff thing after Gerard said that. He wondered if Gerard could be an actor or something someday because he was so good at playing a part, and he was big on theatrics.

“Now that I think about it, it is kind of weird. I live with my dad and I don’t really know what he’s about because he’s not really home.”

“Yeah I get that thing with y’know, daddy issues or whatever, . My mom says that’s why I’m...” Gerard started, but decided not to reveal himself just yet. “...uh, yeah.” He may have had to pull back what he was gonna say, but he secretly hoped that Frank knew what he was gonna say.

And Frank did. Sort of. He had an idea and he hoped he was right, but tried to brush it off because he had to uphold his new anti-hope philosophy.

“What were you gonna say?” Frank wondered, because maybe Gerard would change his mind and say what he was gonna say and he wouldn’t have to be constantly shoving hope out of his head.

Gerard brushed off the question with a casual “Oh, nothing important.” 

“You sure?” He confirmed, still actually really wanting an answer.

“Mhm, I’m sure.” Gerard lied, he wasn’t entirely sure, because Frank’s loose acceptance of gay kids wasn’t something that you found in a lot of straight kids. It was 2005, and Canada was the only place that seemed at least somewhat safe for people like himself. “It probably wouldn’t change anything.”

“Probably?” Frank raised an eyebrow, even though this wasn’t a face to face conversation. “So you’re not sure?” He was now set out to tease and slightly annoy him, as a flirting mechanism. Yes, a flirting mechanism. He grew impossibly red when he realized what he was doing.

Gerard giggled, and there were now two blushing boys on either end of the conversation. “No, I guess I’m not sure.” You could hear his grin through the phone, and that cracked a smile out of Frank.

Just two bros talking on a cellphone, freaking out inside because they’re both gay.

“Sooo...wanna tell me just in case?” Frank queried, still smiling.

“I dunno…” Gerard started playing with a strand of his hair, then stopped and pulled it behind his ear because Mikey started laughing and had to bury his face in his pillow to muffle the sound. “Maybe next month.”

“And what if you don’t tell me next month?”

Gerard giggled again, feeling slightly stupid for it. He knew that the second he got off the phone, he wouldn’t hear the end of it from Mikey. “Then the month after.”

Frank was about to speak when there was a knock on his door from his dad. “Hold on a second.” He thought he put the phone on hold, but he hadn’t.

His dad walked in without even asking. “Who were you talking to?” He interrogated.

Frank wanted to roll his eyes, but refrained. “Just a guy from school.”

“Yeah?” His dad stepped a little closer, and Frank looked him straight in the eye like he wasn’t afraid of him at all, when really, he was. “What are you now, a faggot? Only fags ever talked on the phone with other boys when I was your age.”

Frank hated it when his dad said stuff like that. It was like he completely knew, even before Frank did. He scowled, and decided to step up. “Well what if I am?”

Little did they both know that Gerard was hearing this whole thing, suddenly feeling sorry for Frank, wondering how often this happened.

His dad scowled back. “Well what if you are?” He contemplated over the thought of his son being gay, turning away and walking around the room. “Now, why the fuck would you ask that?”

Frank stepped up closer, letting out all sense of fear with his words: “Because I am.”

He quickly turned around and gave Frank a smack right to the face. It was all hot and red now, and felt prickly and it stung at the same time. He shut his eyes tight, trying to keep tears where he thought they belonged and clenched his jaw to keep himself from bringing his hand up to his pained cheek.

“Don’t ever talk like that ever again, you hear me boy?” His dad growled, grabbing Frank by the collar, poison dripping off his every word.

Frank didn’t want to be subjected to this, but he didn’t want to get hit again, so he just nodded and choked out a simple “Yes.”

“You’re pathetic, you know. You think you’re so strong, but you’re not.” 

Frank wasn’t gonna argue with that. Deep down inside, he believed him, but wouldn’t actually admit it. And those words were captured in a mental bag and were tossed down to that place deep down inside. That place got taller and taller every time this happened, and Frank feared the day when it would all build up so high that he completely broke.

Without another word, his dad left the room, slamming the door. 

Frank sighed and picked up his phone again. His heart stopped when he saw that the call was still going and felt like he could just about die. “Fuck, fuck no.” He muttered under his breath, scrambling in his thought process which was unclear right now for an excuse. Or something. Just something that would justify this.

He begrudgingly lifted the phone to his ear again. “Hey...sorry. You didn’t, like...hear any of that, did you?”

“Actually, I did.” Gerard confessed, his usual tone dulled down, sounding more worried. “Is everything okay, Frank?”

Frank had no idea what to say, so he took the way of a coward. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. Nothing really happened, I didn’t like- did you hear what I said? I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it at all, I just wanted to piss him off because-”

“That’s what you’re concerned about?” Gerard needled, shocked.

“No, no, I was just joking around with him and he took it a little too seriously and it’s all okay.”

Doth protest too much, Frankie.

Gerard pursed his lips. “Frank, I don’t care about that. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine! It’s fine. He’s fine. He does it all the time, he’s just really concerned about me, you know? I mean, he was a little harsh this time but like, the real world is harsh too right? That’s why he’s strict. Because he cares. He’s my dad, after all.” Frank wasn’t even thinking about how that sort of contradicted what he had said about his dad previously.

Doth protest too much, Frankie.

“I don’t…” Gerard didn’t even half believe what he was saying. He was shocked at how much he’d found out about Frank’s life within hours of meeting him. “Frank, I really think you should, like- do you need to talk to someone? Because I mean, the school has a guidance counselor and I know we just met and I probably won’t entirely understand but you can talk to me.”

“No, the guidance counselor doesn’t do shit. I told her.” Frank stated, somewhat bitterly.

“So this is a concern to you?” Gerard knew something was definitely up, because it seemed like Frank had trouble deciding if he was on board or off. If he was gonna fess up to the problem or not.

“Yes- I mean, no. I mean, it sucks. But it’s not a problem. No. It doesn’t affect me.” Frank felt like slapping himself across the face for being so stupid about this and saying inconsistent things, but he figured that the slap from his dad had been enough.

“Well...if you change your mind, you know where I am. You know where to find me.” Gerard tried being a source of comfort in what seemed like Frank’s rough situation. He may not have known Frank that well, but he naturally cared a lot about the wellbeing of others.

Frank half-smiled. “Thanks, Gee.” For some reason, the fact that Gerard cared made him really sad inside. He had no idea why. 

Gerard smiled again. “No problem.” 

There was a healthy pause and neither of them really knew what to say. “So...I’ll see you tomorrow?” Frank broke the silence and started closing off the conversation.

“Yeah. See you then.” 

They both were smiling now, and perhaps facial expressions weren’t as useless in phone calls as they were thought to be, because it was like a silent goodbye and both of them got the memo and hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wo brooos talking on a cellphone, freaking out inside because they're both gay.
> 
> \---
> 
> Yo, thanks for reading this chapter too, and holy shit, thank you for the kudos on this work and my other one too! I was shocked at how fast people noticed it. Also, shoutout to @Gay_Edgelord for giving kudos on both of my stories!
> 
> I really appreciate your appreciation. Keep reading to find out what happens next!

**Author's Note:**

> "We all need to fight for something or someone, you know what I mean?" Frank diverted his attention back on the gravelly road, as much as he wanted to look at Gerard again because he was just so damn beautiful.
> 
> Gerard thought for a moment about what Frank had just said, even though he understood it completely. "Yeah, I do."
> 
> \---
> 
> Yo. Thank you so much for reading this chapter! Read the next one. Please. It's as cool as this one, I promise.


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